Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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