Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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