conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
honey bunches of taint.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
