I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Naked Twister starts at high noon
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
