my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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