Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
