"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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