Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
