My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
