I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Dicks are not precious.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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