i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
