I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
