your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
