best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Fuck appropriateness.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
