What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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