tell your sister to shave her snatch
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
