there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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