Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
