why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
