Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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