I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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