I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
