oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Girls should come with a carfax report
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
ttyl tear gas
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
