this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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