Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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