in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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