We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I am midnight drunk by noon
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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