A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
