hell yes lets make some ravioli
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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