it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
