Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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