never play flip cup with pint glasses
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I need water and some morals
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