Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
