I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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