I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
