So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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