He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
