when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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