can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
