Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I have feelings that need drinking.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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