I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
