Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
