mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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