Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
