then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
