I am in a vortex of obligation.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
