Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
