I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
