This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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