Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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