I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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