Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize