What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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