My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
