oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Randomize
