lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
