I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
