I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Holy sore nipples Batman
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
