Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
