I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
