Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
