Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
