I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
